you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
