ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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