Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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