I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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