omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
