she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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