it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize