We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
