Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
