and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
