opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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