420 ftw
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
