At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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