Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We were destined to go to rehab together
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
