and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
