Barsexuality is the new black.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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