I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So. Much. Porn.
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