Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
