It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
