Where did you get a picture of my penis
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no you cant smoke seaweed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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