we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
