So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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