id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
