Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
