you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She's like a pop up book from hell.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
