I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
