Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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