on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
