it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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