my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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