Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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