sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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