imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
