he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
