apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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