I must be too annoying 4 u.
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
