how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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