Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
