i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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