I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
