I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize