billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
