Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
