i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
