They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
