did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
