Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
