On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
