her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
