He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
