why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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