The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize