no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
