Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
