your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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