How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
