when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
