This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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