I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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