we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
