I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
