the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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