I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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