a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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