I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
