I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
