This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
