And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
