Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
