So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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