You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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