i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
