i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
