he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize