i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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