P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
