3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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