Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
