North Korea, Best Korea!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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