47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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