I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
