honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
