absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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