Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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